Quote Category

I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me ‘understand’ something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour – people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them – but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

I married an archaeologist because the older I grow, the more he appreciates me.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.

It’s my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now, we would probably forget you were there, we’d just be cracking jokes. It’s like Beavis and Butthead.