Quote Category

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.

The first thing the secretary types is the boss.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other’s speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.

Nothing important has ever come out of San Francisco, Rice-a-Roni aside.

‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?