Quote Category

Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.

You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

You could say I was lazy. But I was just being smart.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

I think we love watching people that are flawed because we’re all flawed.

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.

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