Quote Category

Don’t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

A serious writer is not to be confounded with a solemn writer. A serious writer may be a hawk or a buzzard or even a popinjay, but a solemn writer is always a bloody owl.

I do not envy the headache you will have when you awake. In the meantime, dream of large women.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

Let’s not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

If you don’t like the President, it costs you 90 bucks to fly to Washington to picket. If you don’t like the Governor, it costs you 60 bucks to fly to Albany to picket. If you don’t like me, 90 cents.

Whenever I fail as a father or husband… a toy and a diamond always works.

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.