Quote Category

Roller-skating and ice-skating are two different things – I found that out the hard way.

If my forgeries looked as bad as the CBS documents, it would have been ‘Catch Me In Two Days’.

One sits the whole day at the desk and appetite is standing next to me. “Away with you,” I say. But Comrade Appetite does not budge from the spot.

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

As soon as you set foot on a yacht you belong to some man, not to yourself, and you die of boredom.

In the Netherlands I read the first chapter of Exquisite Corpse to an audience that laughed in all the places I thought were funny – an experience I’ve never had in America!

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.