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We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem.

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

A Madagascar Hissing Roach chasing Jerry Lewis. That would be a really neat treat.

The craziest thing I did to get a guy to notice me was going out with his best friend. It worked – he did notice me – but I don’t recommend it.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

In the end, everything is a gag.

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

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