Quote Category

The hardest thing for me is not to keep laughing. Jennifer particularly is like a clown.

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

The Holy Roman Empire is neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire.

I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.

I’m half-Irish, half-Dutch, and I was born in Belgium. If I was a dog, I’d be in a hell of a mess!

You don’t find me too bald, do you? Old, and bald, and with a belly?