Quote Category

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income.

A large family and Democrats have a lot in common: teenagers and Democrats are always happy spending other people’s money.

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon.

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don’t want to meet them.

It was dog food. Beef livers with onions in a can. You open it up and it looks like vomit.