Quote Category

The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.

First fight. Then fiddle.

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Here is Mike Wallace, who is visible to the public, and I have been watching him since the early ’50s. Smoking up a storm and insulting his guests and being absolutely wonderfully evil and charming too.

If somebody thinks they’re a hedgehog, presumably you just give ’em a mirror , a few pictures of hedgehogs , tell them to sort it out for themselves.

Actually I consider myself a superficially normal looking person who has a vast collection of bizarre silly porn hidden in his basement, as all normal looking people do, and I’m keeping it hidden from everyone in the world except those few people with access to the Internet.

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.