Quote Category

As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can’t drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against ’em anyway, you don’t belong in office.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.

I’m not a very good advertisement for the American school system.

I ain’t no movie star, man. I’m a booty star.

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

I have a gift for enraging people, but if I ever bore you it will be with a knife.

I look like a quarry someone has dynamited.

Deep down, I’m pretty superficial.