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You know George M. Steinbrenner III is the center of all evil in the universe.

Everybody got it wrong. I said I was into porn again, not born again.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

There are practical little things in housekeeping which no man really understands.

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales.

So in our pride we ordered for breakfast an omelet, toast and coffee and what has just arrived is a tomato salad with onions, a dish of pickles, a big slice of watermelon and two bottles of cream soda.

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.

I bet Maurice Gibb’s heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin’ Alive.