Quote Tag

A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle.

Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president.

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

I’ve always said, ‘If you need Viagra, you’re probably with the wrong girl.’

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

If a job’s worth doing, it’s too hard.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

There are some important differences between me and Tony Stark, like I have five kids, so I spend more time going to Disneyland than parties.