Quote Tag

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

I’m not a nerd, don’t plan to be a nerd and read books – which I can’t do at all.

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I’m sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

If I traveled to the end of the rainbow as Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me the pot’s at the other end.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.