Quote Tag

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Too much coffee. Too much coffee and Gatorade. It’s a hell of a mix. If you’re ever tired in the morning, just try that mix, and tell me what you think.

I just want to retire before I go senile because if I don’t retire before I go senile, then I’ll do more damage than good at that point.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a contestant in a reality show that probably would be called The Apprentice Survivor Millionaire.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

All the dreamers in all the world are dizzy in the noodle.

I like chicken a lot because chicken is generous – that is to say, it’s obedient. It will do whatever you tell it to do.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.