Quote Tag

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

If you don’t like the President, it costs you 90 bucks to fly to Washington to picket. If you don’t like the Governor, it costs you 60 bucks to fly to Albany to picket. If you don’t like me, 90 cents.

Whenever I fail as a father or husband… a toy and a diamond always works.

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

It is my contention that Aesop was writing for the tortoise market. hares have no time to read.

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

Although I get so much fan mail from Great Britain, tell me, am I more famous there than Michael Madsen?

A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Don’t overestimate the decency of the human race.