Quote Category

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I actually was class clown, but I don’t know how that happened because I’ve never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

In married life three is company and two none.

I feel sorry for the man who marries you… because everyone thinks you’re sweet and you’re not.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Too much coffee. Too much coffee and Gatorade. It’s a hell of a mix. If you’re ever tired in the morning, just try that mix, and tell me what you think.

The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.