Quote Category

I just want to retire before I go senile because if I don’t retire before I go senile, then I’ll do more damage than good at that point.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a contestant in a reality show that probably would be called The Apprentice Survivor Millionaire.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

All the dreamers in all the world are dizzy in the noodle.

I like chicken a lot because chicken is generous – that is to say, it’s obedient. It will do whatever you tell it to do.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

I have had all of the disadvantages required for success.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

The secret of being a bore… is to tell everything.