Quote Category

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

It is my contention that Aesop was writing for the tortoise market. hares have no time to read.

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

Although I get so much fan mail from Great Britain, tell me, am I more famous there than Michael Madsen?

A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Don’t overestimate the decency of the human race.

Normal people… believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

I have a secret project which adds four hours every day to the 24 hours we have. There’s a bit of time travel involved.

In Stratford you either turn into an alcoholic or you better write.

Even a cock crows over his own dunghill.

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